hello all!

i have been absent for quite a time now! i apologize... i have been on the most glorious vacation of my life with two of my very bestest friends! but now i'm back, and now, i think i will write.

this may sound dumb, but i love sun.

i'm absolutely baffled by how the sheer warmth of it can literally light up my day. tingling from my [slightly burnt] skin to my face, to my heart, and everything in between, the sun just warms everything about me. with a pair of headphones in my ears and a pair of friends on my sides, it is nearly impossible to be unhappy on a beach in ninety degree weather and the florida sun.

therefore, all last week i was entirely, completely, wholly, no-exceptions-ally, happy,

and it was a breath of fresh air.

no worries, no drama, no stress, 'twas exactly how summer should be.

so i'm all smiles for now, it's a good feeling. i could giggle at just about anything you say and all would be well. so far, i think i'm a fan of happiness :)

but! on.... another note? it's not really an unhappy note, just... something neutral? i don't know, don't ask me, like i know what goes on in my silly head! anyways, on that other note, i just realized yesterday, that i passed many-a-anniversary-of-bad-things without even noticing. i didn't even realize may flew by so fast, may tenth, may eighteenth, june fourth, had it not been for facebook spitting the date in my face, i never would have realized.

it's funny how fast a year can go by, how much a person can change. last year at this time, i was drenched in a puddle of pathetic pity. woe is me, my life is over, blahblahblah. i got over it soon enough, but it bewilders me how it took me an entire year after the initial event to get over the scars. to come to peace with what had happened and to learn how to place blame on those who rightfully deserve it. to learn how to move on, how to love oneself, how to get back up from the farthest fall i've ever encountered.

but a year has passed since the beginning of it all, and i am almost unbearably happy. if you had asked me a year ago if i would ever be as happy as i was before that point, i honestly would not have known. but guess what, old me! it is oh so very possible! and it is happening right now!

i guess the point is, bad things happen, and sometimes they may take a long time to fix. but eventually, eventually, they will fix. you will fix them, they will fix them, god will fix them, whatever. but they will be fixed. old wounds heal, scars form, you acclimate, but you do not forget. you learn, and you apply what you learn to all of the life ahead of you, and through all of that, through the pain and the mending and the breaking and the growing, you become stronger.

and right now, i am much much much stronger. i am much much much more sure of who i am, what i believe in, who i trust, and i am much much much happier because of it.

so, in all of its absurdity, i now admit that i hope you encounter hardship someday! that's a lie, i don't wish pain and suffering upon you, but i hope that you too have the chance to overcome obstacles, so that you can learn, and so that you can become stronger. you have room to grow, and room to learn, and life to live, and people to meet. so, go out and do those things. live your life without the fear of losing, but with the faith that you can learn from your loss.

love!♥