crazy ramblings.

my head's moving at a mile a minute! a thought a second! and nothing makes sense! i can't focus on one single thought long enough to resolve it. it's like these moments i have where there's so much to do in such a short amount of time that i'm frozen; unable to act in fear of forgetting to do something. it's odd. it's nonsensical. but it happens to me all the time. and now it's transfered from reality and action to my own conscious thoughts. who knew thinking could literally make you dizzy?! my head is throbbing! not necessarily a bad throbbing, more of like 'whoa there, you're sending me into overdrive!" today was interesting. i counted on more than one hand the things people said to me that resonated somewhere deep. someone said "we are accountable to not only our actions, but our inactions as well" flat out refusing to give a starving child a dollar to buy food is just the same as using that dollar to buy something else. all too often we avoid "harming others." we think that since we're not inflicting any pain, we're well off, right? wrong. we're causing just as much injustice by refusing to help than blatantly choosing to harm. number two. what are morals? who creates them? do we have the right to label others' actions as moral or immoral? naturally, i say no. have an abortion, smoke weed, date someone of the same sex, i am fully convinced those are your individual rights and i have no right to pass judgement upon them. yet, i have no qualms with passing judgement upon hitler, or other people i believe are doing things morally wrong. are morals absolute? no. but are they completely relative? also no. is there some middle ground? is there room for compromise? i have no idea. number three: "what does it mean to regret when you had no choice?" today i watched the hours. recommended by blake, it's my new favorite movie. it made me THINK. it made me search for connections and relate them to my life. what is regret? do i have a choice in the things that i do? and in particular, in relation to this movie, can you regret some ultimate decision if it was your only choice? after wrestling with this idea for a good while, i'm convinced that life > death, right > wrong, action > inaction. you have to do what you have to do. "we've gotta live the best we know how" there's nothing else. sometimes decisions are horrible, sometimes we end up as the villains in another age-old drama. but compared to the other options, when put in context, we can be the heroes. we can choose life, or we can choose death, we can choose growth, or we can choose decay. it's our and only our choice to make. watch the hours. more than once. it's worth it, i promise. and number four! gosh this one's spinning me around in circles. who knows. i guess we'll just see what i'm capable of doing tomorrow. let's see how much control i can dictate over my emotions. my guess is less than that needed for success, but we'll see. so. the thoughts are still a blur of words and murmured emotions, but who knows. maybe sleep will come to me and i can blink my eyes and wake up in 4 hours to morning!